Photo By Me, Cheryl Larkin
I had a bit of a melt down the last few days. It has been building for a while, I think and it finally exploded. I was really down and feeling unappreciated in every aspect of my life. I did a lot of crying and moping.
The weird thing is that even through the tears I was still able to look at nature and smile. It was a strange feeling being able to smile even when I was feeling so down. It was like I was two people, connected but separate with all the emotions flowing through both sides.
As I started working through everything that was flowing through me I had what I called a shit ton of thoughts. They were all random but meaningful and eventually I came to conclusions about things I need to work on. Strangely enough, what it turned out I need to work on wasn’t totally about feeling unappreciated which is what brought on the breakdown.
I can look back on it all now and be amazed at how the breakdown led me to some great insights about myself. The path may start in one place but it leads you to somewhere else and where it leads is what is meant to be.
At one point, I was crying and a friend told me to immerse myself in the feelings and visualize whales and their beautiful sound and then ask what messages they have for me. The message that I heard was, “You cannot imagine the magic in store for you, so stop trying to.”
I love that message! I do spend too much time trying to figure out where my life is headed and dreaming about how I want it to be. What this message says to me is that I need to let go of whatever endgames I am dreaming about and trust that what is meant to be will be and it will be greater than anything I have imagined.
I think it is fine for me to dream and imagine scenarios as long as I don’t get too attached to the outcomes. I think by getting too attached to the outcomes I could end up blocking something even better. I need to just take that blind leap and trust what is to come.
I am grateful for the breakdown because it has opened me up to infinite possibilities. I guess sometimes darkness helps you see.