September 29, 2012 could have been just another average day in my life but the spirits had other ideas. It is true that things just aligned to help push me in the correct direction but I still had to take that leap of faith and make the decision to DO SOMETHING to change my life. It may have seemed like an easy decision but I was terrified.
I had no idea what to expect or what changes were going to take place. I knew I wanted to be happy and I knew things had to change both inwardly and outwardly, but the thought of letting go of my past and the person I had been for 43 years really scared the shit out of me.
With a determination that I didn’t even know I had, I faced those fears and consciously and willing stepped into the Sacred Heart Sanctuary to undergo a very intense, emotional, mysterious and wonderful transformation.
Giselle and I had talked a little about what was going to take place but as I said in an earlier post we were really going to let the spirits guide us. We knew at some point I would go through a spiritual rebirth but neither of us really knew how that would come about.
We spent the day in the Sanctuary and out in Nature. We took a couple of trips to the Verde River, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. The first trip was the one where I warned Giselle about my walk. Bless her heart, Giselle tried to walk slow enough to stay back with me but I could tell it was not an easy task for her.
I know we talked a lot and she answered questions that I had but the truth is I cannot remember what exactly we talked about. I know it was all important but I also know that my spirit soaked up all of Giselle’s wisdom deep down so it would not rattle around in my brain so much that I would over analyze it.
We were not alone through all of this either. We had an audience of very vocal Cicadas letting us know they were there and watching. It was so funny how they would make all sorts of noise and then in the blink of an eye stop, like they were really paying attention. Then they would start up again. We began thanking them for their applause and support.
It was sometime during this day that Giselle told me that I was a Shaman and that I accepted the invitation or calling by choosing to see her and do this Shamanic Retreat. I didn’t really know what all that meant, I mean I still don’t truly know what a Shaman is other than a healer and person who can walk in this realm and the spirit realms. I am researching and learning more every day so eventually I will truly understand Shamanism and this path I am walking.
Obviously, the actual rebirth I went through was a huge part of the day. It took some hard work spiritually to get me in the place I needed to be to go through the rebirth. Giselle was asking me to bring forth feelings and emotions that I didn’t want to revisit. She was so terrific at working with my fears and helping guide me to be in the correct state of mind, body and spirit to be spiritually reborn. I am not sure how long the rebirth took but it felt like a long time for me.
Throughout the day and the ceremonies that we did a theme of Love started to appear. When trying to pull up all of the negative and icky feeling and emotions that I wanted to let go of we found out that all of them resided in my heart. Giselle did a check of my Chakra’s and sure enough the only one out of sinc was my heart chakra.
During another ceremony where we dealt with the chambers of the heart we found out that My Soul’s New Contract was Trust In Love. Don’t even get me started on what my previous contract was. It really pissed me off although it did explain how I had lived my life. I also learned that I needed to just love to have my spirit happy and with me at all times.
It was also during this day that I asked Giselle about the issue I had with looking her in the eyes. During our first walk to the river I told her what I had felt during the reading and the fact that I couldn’t look into her eyes. I had tried to look her in the eyes that morning and couldn’t do it. I asked her if she had any idea about why I had this problem. She very confidently said of course I do, I see the true you and if you look in my eyes you can see the true you looking back, and you aren’t ready to accept that yet. That made so much sense to me. After the rebirth, I had no problem looking into her eyes and all I see is love coming back at me.
It is hard to recollect all that went on that day. I trust that my spirit soaked it all up. It is also hard to put all that transpired and all that I learned that day into one blog post so more will be revealed as I add more and more posts to the blog.
What I do know it that on September 29, 2012 I changed. I can feel the shift inside me. A shift in my thinking, in the way I see things, in the way I love things, deep down in my soul, there is something new running through my veins. I know I have more to look forward to as I continue to uncover the true me, the Shaman me.
This is just the beginning, after all.