The Spiritual Rebirth was just one part of the Shamanic Retreat that I did but it was a huge part. It is what has allowed the gigantic shift in my life and allowed me to truly be open to walking the path of a Shaman. Most importantly it brought happiness and passion into my life. I still have a long way to go but the rebirth laid the groundwork that will allow me to continue.
To prepare, to get me in the correct state of mind, body and soul to accept this rebirth, Giselle asked me to tell her about the feelings, emotions and all the negative aspects of my life that I wanted to get rid of. I struggled with that, particularly the anger that had been residing in me. I told Giselle I didn’t want to go there.
For most of the 3 years since my divorce, I had anger just building in me. I tried to ignore it but eventually the flood gates opened and I had a hard time containing it. I began to write and what I wrote truly terrified me. The thoughts I was having are not thoughts I am proud of or that I want to ever have again.
Giselle understood but she also knew that I needed to bring forth all of this stuff in order to have a successful rebirth. She instructed me to think about all of it and bring it up inside me. She said I didn’t have to voice anything but I needed to have it unburied in me. This would have been a great time for me to give up but I knew I needed to do this so if I had to face these things then so be it.
It wasn’t easy but I allowed all of this crap to move towards the surface. Giselle asked me to feel where it was in my body and that was when I realized that it all was residing in my heart. That was a surprise to me but there it all was.
Now that I had all of this right near the surface it was time to move over to the mattress and lie down. Giselle told me that my only job now was to breathe all of this crap out of my body and into the sacred stone that she had placed over my heart chakra. Before placing the stone she checked my chakras and found that my heart chakra was indeed the only one out of sinc.
So I laid there with my eyes closed and the stone resting on my heart chakra concentrating on breathing and visualizing all this crap flowing out of me and into the stone. Giselle gently put her hands under my head at the base of my skull. This is where it all began.
I will be truthful here and say that I know Giselle was doing stuff but only she knows what all she did. At one point I know she sprayed me with something. Another time I think I heard her singing. There was rattle that she shook over me. At one point I remember her moving to my feet and asking me to visualize all the crap running through my body to my feet and through her before I released it out in the sacred stone. I also remember her playing the didgeridoo.
I had no clue what the hell that was. I remember her telling me she was going to play it or something along those lines and I said something like ok, I have no clue what that is but have it. Or something along those lines. I was amused by it all.
Giselle also periodically reminded me to take a deep breath. Giselle later said how interesting it was when she reminded me because I would take a deep slow breath that just kept going and going and usually when she has to remind people they do one of those overexaggerated, quick, loud, not so deep breaths.
My part seemed easy. Breathe, Breathe, Breathe. Giselle asked me to verbalize what I was feeling so I tried to keep her up to date with what was going on with me. One really weird thing was how I could be perfectly present and aware of being in the Sanctuary while at the same time being perfectly present and aware of being in the Spirit realm (where I was falling), or where ever it was that my spirit was being reborn.
Physically, my body took a bit of a beating during the rebirth. I had pain in the back of my skull mostly on the right side. Then my forehead started hurting. During some of the time my body seemed to tense up every muscle. In fact my muscles hurt the rest of the day and into the next day.
There was one point where I got really scared. I told Giselle I was scared and she asked me why and I told her I didn’t know. She seemed to really like that answer. She said being able to admit not knowing while accepting the feeling was a wonderful thing to be able to do. While I was scared, my body was shaking and tense. I remember telling Giselle not to let go of me.
I don’t really know what Giselle was thinking at this point but I remember her telling me we were going to go outside. I didn’t really want to but I don’t think I told her that out loud. Later she told she me that I had emphatically told her No. She said my spirit had told her that I knew I could do this alone but that I was asking not to. So we stayed right where we were and I just kept falling and falling and falling.
After the fear left and I was little calmer, all seemed to just move along without incident. Then I got cold. I started shivering, breathing erratically, teeth chattering, the whole bit. Again my muscles tensed up with the shivering. Then I started falling faster.
I remember hearing the music when Giselle was playing the didgeridoo. I cannot describe the melody but it was pleasant. Then I remember that she stopped playing but I didn’t really think much of it. Then the music started again but it was a different melody. Later Giselle would tell me why there was a change in music but again that is for another post.
I believe at this time my arms came off the bed and started floating up and down. I was not totally aware of this, it was something Giselle mentioned later in the night, but it does correspond with stuff that was going on in the Spiritual realm. Don’t worry, I will relay what happened in the Spiritual realm with my next post.
Again I state that I have no clue how long this all actually took but it sure felt like a long time to me. And finally I stopped falling and gently came to rest. My entire body relaxed. I was beat and I was thirsty so I asked Giselle to bring me my water. When she brought it over and looked at me, she smiled and said, Wow you have a totally different light in your eyes.
Even at that time I was unaware of just how much had changed in me during this process. It was intense but I am so glad I did it. I had so much to process and more to come. A month earlier I had never even heard of a Spiritual Rebirth, but a lot can change in a month. I am eternally grateful that so much aligned for me to be able to do this.