The previous post My Spiritual Rebirth – In the Sanctuary went over what transpired during my spiritual rebirth in the Sanctuary. Below I will try to explain what happened in the Spiritual Realm. I think without knowing it, I had set the stage for my rebirth to occur in this manner. Before heading up to see Giselle, I kept having this feeling that on September 29th I was going to step off a tall cliff. I even told people that was what I was feeling. As it turns out that is exactly what happened. Here is my story picking up from where I had my eyes closed and was breathing and visualizing.
It was very dark out as I walked up to the edge of cliff. I looked down and all I could see was darkness. There was a slight warm breeze. I wasn’t scared but was a little cautious. I turned and looked behind me. I can’t totally explain exactly what I saw but I think it was all representations of the old me. There were colorful distorted shapes floating around and trying to fight to reach me. I heard some low moaning. I just smiled, waved, said a quiet goodbye then turned back around and slowly stepped off the edge of the cliff.
I was actually amazed at how easy it seemed to be for me to take that leap into the unknown. I guess I was truly ready for this to happen.
As I fell I felt something reach up and gently turn me over onto my back so I was face up and then I just seemed to float there for a little bit. Then as if the rug was pulled out from under me, I began falling. It seemed to me to be a very controlled fall. At this time it was a steady slow fall. There was a slight airy warm breeze that seemed to cascade around me in a loving and gentle way. I was pretty calm considering but I knew I would be fine and this was something I had to go through.
Then I started falling a little faster and the air changed. It became heavy and hard. The gentle feeling I had before disappeared and now it felt as if I was being constantly slapped over and over. I was still falling face up and it was still too dark to see anything.
I got very scared but I am not sure why. I started to rock and shake and try to block all the slapping coming at me. I was really beginning to freak out and lose control when I heard a very loving, soft voice telling me to just trust. I realized that all would be fine if I just stopped fighting it. So I made a conscious choice to ignore the fear and just accept whatever happened. Once I did that the hard, slapping air turned to the gentle airy breeze that it had been before. I also stopped falling so quickly.
I was back in the slow gentle falling and I don’t know if I was getting used to dark or not but it seemed I was starting to be able to see some things. Really all I saw were little white lights all around me. They were not too bright, more like a very soft glow, but they were very vibrant. I had a good feeling. I felt at peace, comfortable and safe. I seemed to get lost in the moment and it felt great.
Then it got cold. I was back to total darkness. The falling became faster again. I could feel the bitter cold air as it raced by me and seemed to bite into me. I felt like I was being ripped into tiny pieces and each tiny piece was floating off into the dark unknown. I began to shiver and shake. At this point I also started to feel a bit nauseous. I was freezing, I was not feeling well and I was ready for this to be over.
I started to get a bit discouraged about how long this was taking. I felt like I had been falling forever. I truly started to let the negative thoughts take me over. As I did that I felt even worse. Then I heard that soft, loving voice again, telling me to just trust. Finally I realized that I needed to not allow the negative to rule me so once again I gave in to what was happening and just accepted it all.
All of sudden the cold went away. I was still falling rather quickly and it was still dark but I felt much better. I spread my arms out and started slowly “flapping” for lack of a better word. Really I thought that if I spread out it would slow my fall some. It seemed to work as my falling turned more into a gentle floating. I felt a strong hand reach under me to support me as I floated for moment and then I was gently laid onto the ground. I knew that I was finally done and safe on the ground.
I breathed a sigh of relief, expressed my gratitude for all who helped get me to that point and then accepted whatever was to come in my life from this day forward.