A few days after I returned home from the Shamanic Retreat with Giselle I had a few visitors and I am sad to say that I did not handle it very well at all. Truth be told, I absolutely gave into fear and completely flipped out.
I went to sleep that night still trying to process all that had happened in the last few days. I hadn’t been sleeping well and this night was to be no different. Below is the email I sent to Giselle:
Well it’s about 1:30 am and I have to know, are there bad spirits that come to you in your dreams? I am totally freaked out right now.
I was sleeping and all of a sudden I heard a low humming noise and then I felt/saw something grabbing my right leg and stroking it. It was skinny like a small tree branch, but very tall, hard and rough. It was stooping over. Then it moved to my foot and started rubbing the bottom of my foot, lower part of foot only. It was rubbing with the palm of its hands. It’s fingers were really long and crooked. The hands reminded me of a tree branch. It was grey. I don’t recall seeing any facial features.
Then I heard some rattling and shuffling and looked beside me to my left and I saw something beside my bed that reached out and grabbed my left arm. It was wearing some sort of bizzare mask or headdress thing that had straw or something all around it hanging down like hair. At least I think it was a mask or headdress. It was holding my arm down with one hand and the other was waving over me with all these weird bracelets that made a rattling noise. The face was black and the straw or “hair” was yellow. I couldn’t totally see what it was wearing but I think it was tannish, maybe deer skin or something of that sort.
I was scared shitless. This did not feel comfortable or right at all. Then I felt/saw a really skinny hard thing (I think it was a finger of whatever was at my feet) running up the inside of my leg and I got even more scared. Then from my right I heard a growl and all of sudden I could feel strength and courage pouring into me and I started saying No and trying to fight with my arm and leg that were being held. I just kept lifting them both and slamming them down all the while saying NO. With each slam the humming and rattling got louder but so did I. I just kept doing it and I was screaming NO, NO, NO, NO, over and over again. Right as the finger was about to penetrate me, I woke up thrashing around in my bed and actually screaming NO at the top of my lungs.
Now I am totally awake and still scared but I jumped up and went to check on Blythe to make sure she was ok. She was and still is sleeping soundly.
I looked around my room and found nothing. I have checked my body especially where I felt/saw things touching me but as of right now I see nothing weird. No marks or anything. I have had to turn the lights on in my house just so I could breathe normally. I was shaking uncontrollably but now that has calmed down.
I have had really strange dreams before, even ones with unseen things that scare me so much I cannot move, but I have never in my life had one that felt so real and never have I actually woke up screaming or verbalizing anything. Not sure if I will be able to go back to sleep but I am going to try.
So, is this my imagination going crazy or is this something I should really be worried about? What do you think?
I was eventually able to fall back asleep. After I calmed down I started wondering if I was just getting my first visitors and if I freaked out for no reason. One thing I have learned through all of this is that I have a tendency to go to fear and that is something I am working on.
Giselle did respond to the email and eased my worries. Not surprisingly, she did tell me not to go to the fear and really think about if it really didn’t feel right or if that was just the fear talking. She said it might just be contact, messages, guidance from my spirit guides/ancestors and I should (easier said than done) be fearless, ask what it wants and why it is coming to me.
Giselle reminded me that I had just, a few days earlier, shifted my vibration and opened my heart, bigtime, which has made me more conscious and aware of….well let’s just say, of MORE. She said, “There is more than just the physical realm, of course, and you are learning to navigate this and enter deeper into the mystery. Don’t be afraid, it only gets better. By opening your heart, you allow more light to shine from you and right now you may be more vulnerable to other beings that are attracted to this light.”
She continued, “Know that ‘they’ or anything else for that matter, cannot hurt you and cannot take anything from you because it isn’t you. It is source energy, light, flowing through you, and now after last weekend, flowing through you even more intensely. So just allow these ‘visitors’ to come to the light that you are. Let them know that you are not the source of it, it flows through you infinitely, just like it flows through them if they can experience that. So instead of resisting just turn it up, say “here you go kiddos, it’s all yours!” and feel them, watch them zap out of there.”
The truth is that I KNOW this was not just an imaginary dream. I KNOW these were Spirits but as I am so new to accepting all of this I just didn’t know how to handle it. Later Giselle told me she would have been worried if I didn’t freak out. I mean who wouldn’t.
So now I am working on not going to the fear. I speak to the Spirits every night before bed and let them know they are welcome. I have not had any more visitors since this first time but I know they will come in time and I will be ready.