It’s been over a month since my last retreat and it has been intense and emotional. I am still not sure where I am going, but I do believe that is the whole point. It is accepting that and surrendering to it all that I am working on right now.
IF you have seen the movie, The Matrix
At my retreat Giselle gave me a choice: have a shamanic retreat like I have always had or she could introduce me to The Truth. I, of course, chose The Truth, took the Red Pill and she proceeded to take me down the Rabbit Hole. In fact, a month later and I am still learning just how far the Rabbit Hole goes.
It is interesting to me to look back and see how The Truth affected me and how it is still affecting me. My post, Five Hours, is a poem I wrote about the day after I learned The Truth. That day after sure was a day.
I suppose, considering my world had just been turned upside down and inside out, I handled it pretty well. I mean, it certainly could have been worse, and Giselle and I both had similar visions of how it could have gone, which were slightly terrifying. That was unreal.
It has been a hard month for sure but I know where it is leading and I am willing to go through hell and face all the pain to get there. Unfortunately I don’t control any of it so who knows when I will get there.
I am already seeing things in a different light. I have confused moments and clear moments but the clear ones are finally starting to outnumber the confused ones. I know I need to just fully Let Go of it all and I am working on that, but it takes a lot of courage and a HUGE leap of faith and that is what I am working on.
Those first few weeks were really tough, so much chaos going on in my head, I seriously thought I was heading right into crazy. I had a ton of questions that were just drilling into me.
Now I still have questions, but not near as many, but I am not even bothering asking most of them because I already know the answers. One day I know the questions will stop all together and that will be a glorious day.
I made this choice knowing full well that it would be tough but I tell you what, there is no way to know just how much the Truth is going to affect you. It is bigger than anything you could ever imagine.
I made this choice without really thinking about it because I know I have been heading towards this my entire life. I am pretty sure that when Giselle gave me the choice she damn well knew I would choose the Truth.
Now I just need to let it all run through me and do its work and that is a bumpy road for sure. At least now, a month after learning it, I can honestly say I have made progress even if it is slower than I would like.
