The question of why I am doing this, following this path, came up this weekend. Is it about me or am I doing it so I can serve others. I am not sure if I was clear in my answer, so I thought I would address it here and put my answer out into the Universe.
In short, it is all about me. True, I would love to learn what I can and someday serve others, but if that was not an option, I would still be doing what I am doing and learning what I am learning.
I lived the majority of my life up til now, being who I thought other people expected me to be. I sacrificed a lot and stiffled a lot to please others.
Somewhere along the way I lost sight of Cheryl. I got so used to ignoring the inner voices and doing just enough to convince myself that I was being true to me.
The truth is, I could have lived the rest of my life just as I had been doing and I believe I would have been perfectly content. What I have learned since my divorce is that I don’t want to be content. I deserve more than content. I deserve to be truly happy.
I realized that the first and most important step to being truly happy was to find my true self, and unabashedly love myself.
What I have been uncovering is nothing like what I thought but it is so powerful. Learning to walk the path of a Shaman is my road to the true me. It is nothing like I could have ever dreamed. It is so much better.
I only had a tiny idea of who I truly am and each day that tiny bit becomes a little larger. Someday soon I know it will just encompass me and I will say, Welcome Home Cheryl.
I know I am well on my way and the work I do with Giselle and what I am learning is pretty mind blowing, but it is all part of who I truly am and I am so grateful to finally be getting to know myself.
In the last few months, I have changed more than I thought possible. The majority of the change has been internal, but that is where I need to do the work. It is amazing!
I can feel the shift in me, the shift in my way of thinking which in turn shifts the way I live outwardly. I know I still have a long way to go, but I am going to keep pushing on and I know that with each push I will become a much happier person.
I feel like I am making my way down the birth canal and eventually, with one last giant push, I will pop out into the world being the me that I should have been all along. And that me will be filled with more joy, passion, and happiness than I have ever known before.
Like I said earlier, this is all about me.