Thursday’s Thoughts – 1/30/2013

Here we are, the last Thursday of January. It is hard to believe that January is just about over. On one hand I feel like the new year just began and on the other I feel like it has been going for quite a while. It has not been a boring first month of 2013 for me that’s for sure. I am looking forward to the rest of this year. For now let’s just move on to today’s thoughts.

Grand Canyon here I come. I did promise Diana that I would get up to watch the Superbowl with her if the Niners made it to the big game, and sure enough they did. So I am off for a weekend up at the canyon, hanging out with my best friend and watch the Niners win their 6th Superbowl Title! It is going to be an exciting weekend.

I would like to thank my parents and Diana for their parts in getting me up there. It is a joint effort, I guess you could say. I would prefer it not to be that way but it is what it is and I am willing to take whatever is needed so I can get up there. It has been far too long. GO NINERS!!!!!!

I am struggling with a tough decision but it really shouldn’t be tough for me and I know that but I am still fighting the answer that my heart knows. I have no clue why I am fighting when I know the answer. I tell myself that I am being childish and stubborn by fighting what I already know as true, but still the fight goes on.

The truth is that it may not even be a decision that I am fighting, but more like the feelings that are coming to me because of what decision I feel I need to make, which probably doesn’t need to be made anyways. Then I saw this post on my Facebook and it seemed to shed some light for me.

Hostility – Hostility is a negative composition of the ego when it feels targeted by daily events or change. It is a refusal to see that one’s actions or emotions are out of context, even when the person who points these things out, is oneself. It is the refusal to change even when change is needed, as it is too hard to do and they are comfortable as they are. Eventually the soul will try harder to awaken the the physical body and push the ego out. Similar events will keep manifesting until one sees the truth of the matter and accepts it whole heartedly. Hostility is only hostile-until-you-see. Facebook user: Soulful Intentions – Food For Thought

I definitely have hostility regarding this decision and/or the feelings that are running through me. I guess my ego still has more control that I thought it did. Or I allow it to have more control than I thought, might be a better way to put it. Do you suppose a part of me actually likes to suffer and that is why there is still a part of me fighting, not only this decision and/or feelings but walking this path in general?

Being a parent is the most wonderful thing in the world. It is also the most trying thing. I have to make decisions on the fly and hope I made the correct one. I have a terrific daughter, but even she tests me sometimes and I just hope that I am doing a good job and that she will be ready to face the world once she is an adult.

There is no easy answer, and what works one time may not work the next time. It is a constant learning exercise and I really need to be able to adjust at a moments notice. There will be surprises and how I deal with them sets the stage for the relationship with my daughter as well as her relationship with others. It’s tightrope walking at its finest.

Blythe and I are still doing our morning Grateful stating and I think it is starting to sink in to her as she is starting to get a little more creative with what she is grateful for. It truly is a terrific way to set the tone for the day.

Last night I got into a fight with my sister’s back door and I lost. Ok picture it. A manufactured home sitting off the ground 3 feet or so. I am kneeling down looking under the house because we can hear water rushing and I am looking for leak. I can’t see anything so I go to stand up.

Just as I am standing up, a breeze comes by and pushes the door right above me so when I stood up I stood right into the bottom corner of the door. It hit on my right side just about the kidney area. It HURT like Hell!

After some stomping around and yelling and cussing, I finished checking out for the leak. When we were done, we went to my house so my sister could check out my back. When I lifted my shirt she said, “When did you hit door twice?”

Apparently I had hit it twice as I had 2 gashes on my back. They were bleeding but not gushing blood, Tina told me. So she cleaned them up and then I sat down to ice the back because I could already feel the soreness of the muscles.

This morning, the stinging is not near as bad as it was last night, but oh boy am I sore. I feel like I got punched a few times in the kidneys. Every movement shoots pain right through me.

I am not sure if there is a lesson I am to learn in this, but I do know that it is not going to stop me from heading up the Grand Canyon like I planned. Maybe it is the Universe trying to make sure I don’t go overboard screaming, yelling and going crazy as the Niners win the Superbowl.

That about does it for today. Have a wonderful weekend and don’t forget to yell for the Niners to win the Superbowl. GO NINERS!!!!!