September 29, 2012 could have been just another average day in my life but the spirits had other ideas. It is true that things just aligned to help push me in the correct direction but I still had to take that leap of faith and make the decision to DO SOMETHING to change my life. It may have seemed like an easy decision but I was terrified.
I had no idea what to expect or what changes were going to take place. I knew I wanted to be happy and I knew things had to change both inwardly and outwardly, but the thought of letting go of my past and the person I had been for 43 years really scared the shit out of me.
With a determination that I didn’t even know I had, I faced those fears and consciously and willing stepped into the Sacred Heart Sanctuary to undergo a very intense, emotional, mysterious and wonderful transformation.
Giselle and I had talked a little about what was going to take place but as I said in an earlier post we were really going to let the spirits guide us. We knew at some point I would go through a spiritual rebirth but neither of us really knew how that would come about.
This is a continuation of Beginnings – Part 1, so you may want to read that post first.
When I got home and was talking to my sister, Tina, about the reading I mentioned how it would be terrific if I could spend some one on one time with Giselle. There was so much that I wanted to ask her and I knew she could help me make sense of everything I was going through. I also thought it would be great if she could be there with me for my spiritual rebirth.
I was unsure how to even go about this rebirth ceremony that Giselle had talked about. I didn’t want to do it alone but I also didn’t really want anyone that was close to me to be there for it. I’m not sure why that was, but I think I wanted no real reminders of who I was or of my past when I went to do this.
I was still reeling from all that I had been going through, all the crying I had been doing for such a long time and all that I had learned from my Sacred Stone Reading. This truly “feeling” stuff was not easy. I know Giselle had said it was a glorious thing but it was getting to me. I felt like I was losing my mind, or myself and in essence I guess I was. I decided to stop fighting it all and just go with the flow and let it all just wash through me.
As I sit here trying to write this first post of my new blog I find myself struggling with where to start. So much has happened to me in the last month but the truth is my entire life was leading up to where I am now.
About 10 years ago I had what many would call an invitation to the shamanic way of life. I didn’t recognize it and spent those 10 years not truly being happy and feeling off balance, both literally and figuratively.
Those were hard times. Living with an illness doctors couldn’t diagnose and even having one doctor say I was faking it all just for attention. For 7 months I could barely function. I fell into a serious depression.
The crazy thing about it all was that spiritually I was more open than I had ever allowed myself to be. Poems just poured forth. I had a past life memory, the only one I have ever had. I guess I just couldn’t block it anymore.