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The previous post My Spiritual Rebirth – In the Sanctuary went over what transpired during my spiritual rebirth in the Sanctuary. Below I will try to explain what happened in the Spiritual Realm. I think without knowing it, I had set the stage for my rebirth to occur in this manner. Before heading up to see Giselle, I kept having this feeling that on September 29th I was going to step off a tall cliff. I even told people that was what I was feeling. As it turns out that is exactly what happened. Here is my story picking up from where I had my eyes closed and was breathing and visualizing.

It was very dark out as I walked up to the edge of cliff. I looked down and all I could see was darkness. There was a slight warm breeze. I wasn’t scared but was a little cautious. I turned and looked behind me. I can’t totally explain exactly what I saw but I think it was all representations of the old me. There were colorful distorted shapes floating around and trying to fight to reach me. I heard some low moaning. I just smiled, waved, said a quiet goodbye then turned back around and slowly stepped off the edge of the cliff.

I was actually amazed at how easy it seemed to be for me to take that leap into the unknown. I guess I was truly ready for this to happen.

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The Spiritual Rebirth was just one part of the Shamanic Retreat that I did but it was a huge part. It is what has allowed the gigantic shift in my life and allowed me to truly be open to walking the path of a Shaman. Most importantly it brought happiness and passion into my life. I still have a long way to go but the rebirth laid the groundwork that will allow me to continue.

To prepare, to get me in the correct state of mind, body and soul to accept this rebirth, Giselle asked me to tell her about the feelings, emotions and all the negative aspects of my life that I wanted to get rid of. I struggled with that, particularly the anger that had been residing in me. I told Giselle I didn’t want to go there.

For most of the 3 years since my divorce, I had anger just building in me. I tried to ignore it but eventually the flood gates opened and I had a hard time containing it. I began to write and what I wrote truly terrified me. The thoughts I was having are not thoughts I am proud of or that I want to ever have again.

Giselle understood but she also knew that I needed to bring forth all of this stuff in order to have a successful rebirth. She instructed me to think about all of it and bring it up inside me. She said I didn’t have to voice anything but I needed to have it unburied in me. This would have been a great time for me to give up but I knew I needed to do this so if I had to face these things then so be it.
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